Dear Diary?

I close my eyes and dream him up again
The charming prince meant for only me
He is good and true
Honest and strong
Knows confidence with humility
And has a great heart that I alone hold
This heart is filled with laughter
The laughter of a child
His smile a ray of sunshine
Peeking through the clouds
In his warm arms I am completely safe
His adoring eyes see me and only me
When we dance the room is empty
But for the two of us
And when we dream at night we meet each other
At a ball or mountain or stream
He is silly and clumsy
Has quirky little flaws
For every one I find I adore him even more
He is accidentally charming
Romantic to the core
Willing to adventure with me by his side
He wants to change the world
One day at a time
And with a smile and inspiration
He does more than he knows
He gives me strength and freedom
And everything I’ve ever dreamed
He creates new hopes and dreams
That I never knew before his soul touched mine
Tis my dream that one day I’ll find
A man who lives up to
And exceeds such dreams

I've come to the conclusion I'd rather be the vulnerable broken heart as opposed to the heart-breaker.

I've also come to the conclusion that being heart broken is equivalent to a woman on hormone pills. Can we please tone down the mood swings a notch??

Men are as complicated as women. They just tend to simplify themselves more.

I think I should have been born a man. For many reasons, including realization stated above.

I should get more sleep.

Girlie movies don't have to follow the same rules as the rest of the genres: if it makes me want to cry it's done it's job and I can therefore apparently overlook the fact that there were a million plot flaws to pick apart.

Amanda has influenced my blogging.

Every whispering wind
Carries your voice inside
Still the glowing moon
Connects us even now
Love is put on hold
But friendship remains
Nothing could be truer
Our souls speak together
Like children at play
We know rules without rules
Like animals in the wild
We read all that’s unsaid
There is no room for doubt
In this carnival of hope
Strength is in freedom
And freedom is to choose
I choose to have faith
In love and in you.

Far from your arms I lie awake
Remembering the words to me you once spoke
I fear too soon you are drifting away
Yet all I can do is give you your space
The moon brings weakness to my heart
Though the sunlight drapes hope on the world
In my solitude I cannot help but dream
Of the smile in your soul that spoke to me
Still there is light and a chance to smile sweetly
For I know you came into my life for good reason
You found the key to a heart which was locked
A key which, myself, I could never have found
It was meant for only you and I regret nothing
Not one second of letting down those walls
There were no boundaries for the first time in so long
So refreshing it was—you brought me to life again
In my dreams I’ll dance with you forever
Spinning around and around until I fall
I’ll collapse into your arms and give you my heart
Never look back. Love more every moment.
For you taught me to risk falling down
A dance may leave you dizzy
The first time you may not get it right
But it is still so worth every failed attempt
Every fall. Every fumble. Every blush.
Graceful, experienced, or clumsy…
Dance anyway.

Still can't sleep.. It's nearly 6am.. I'm all shaky and I'm not sure if it's my emotions or the 4 cups of hot tea I've had.. Apparently after drinking no caffeine for 3 months and then downing 4 20 ounce cups of tea in a matter of a few hours can have a strange effect on you.. *shrug* Who knew. It's very uncomfortable actually.. My neck is especially shaky, and that's weird..

So Ever After didn't make me cry.. I did finally fall asleep for about 20 minutes, but I woke up.. And luckily then Dominique and Matthew woke up because Dominique works at a God-awful time in the moring so I had someone to talk to and hug..And as soon as I said everything out loud I cried. And I do feel better now, but strangely torn. There's a part of me that wants to push and fight and chase after a dream that the rest of me knows I can't chase.

Okay.. I need to sleep.. Because I just realized I'm smiling now. I know if I'm smiling right now I'm either hysterical, crazy, delirious or something of that nature. All of a sudden I had the strangest, overpowering feeling that everything's going to work out in the end. And not just the "it'll be okay" feeling. It was the "It's going to be exactly as I imagined it" feeling. Which nothing ever is. Well.. Somethings are. My New year's eve was! :) But I digress.. I just hope I can keep my sanity while he's holding onto my heart.. Goodnight..

Wow... Why is it that even when you see the hurt coming, it doesn't make it any easier to handle? Maybe it does make it easier..but not by much.. I know this is vague..And I'm kinda sorry for those of you who will actually read it. I'm just alone and need to talk about something that shouldn't even be bothering me this soon.. I feel like I lost something..someone..who I never really had to begin with. So I know I shouldn't feel so empty, but I guess it's just because never felt so complete before. Again with the vague..Blah I know.. Let's just say I finally found Prince Charming and I'm not his Cinderella. It's nothing I did or am and I don't feel bad about anything or regret pursuing him even though I knew I shouldn't in the first place. I just wish circumstances were different right now..And maybe it's not over and I still could end up with my "match" someday.. Now, if you'll excuse me.. I'm going to go watch Ever After and hopefully get out the tears that have been on the edge of my eye lids since this morning. End sappy love rant.

My head hurts like CRAZY.. And I can't even take anything for it because my neurologist told me to stop taking over-the-counter pain meds all together. They apparently cause "rebound" headaches when used for migraines and other chronic headaches. More specifically, using tylenol, asprin, ect can cause hyper-sensitivity to pain which in turn causes you to be more effected by the headaches so it seems like they are getting worse rather than better. So, this week has been really hard--I'm still getting headaches almost every day, although they aren't as intense as they were to begin with, and now I have no way to relieve them other than a cooling patch on my head and a dark room. *sigh* 

I'm really excited about this weekend!! Yay!!!

Hope I can finish all my homework today before class. I've been too stressed out to concentrate and lately, all I want to do is sleep. I wish I could slow down my life, but I don't think it will get much better until this semester is over. Then I can relax a little.. :)  Just the word "relax" is increasingly appealing.. lol... That and "breathe"... 

I'm really hungry. Pizza sounds good. Oooo! So does homemade chocolate chip cookies which I think I'll go make right now!! Course, that doesn't solve the hunger dilemma but they're delicious.. *shrug*  :) 

I haven't gone to the movies in a long time. I should put that on my to-do list next month. ;) That and start Christmas shopping. Which knowing me, I'll still leave until early December. Someday I'm going to find a solution to stop procrastination.. And I'll get right on that tomorrow..

*yawn*

Not much to say except: Weeeee! hehehehe.. I'm just excited, 'cause the most sexy, adorable, and sweet guy asked me out tonight. I really need to go out more often. It's SO much fun! And I'm going to see him again on Tuesday. Yeeeesh!!  hahah.. Nite everyone!!

Eeeeep!! I cannot sleep for the life of me. This sucks. I've been staying up late every night and finally wore myself out to exhaustion a night ago, so I slept in on Monday and now I can't get to sleep. Actually, I did fall asleep for about an hour and a half, but I woke up at 2am and haven't been able to go back to dreamland since... Hmmmph!

So while I'm up, let's chat chit shall we??

Work is going awesome--both jobs. I rock at my hostess job and I have a nice week off before summer school starts at Siegrist. Yay!! And then I still have a month of vacation to look forward to in July. :)

Speaking of July, I haven't decided yet if I can afford to go to Comic-con but I'm DYING to go this year because PAUL DINI is going to be there. That's the ONE person I've said would make Comic con even better every year that I've gone and he's finally going to make an appearance!! *sigh* I really really hope I can find a way to go.

And my favorite, most exciting news--I move out in NINE days!! AHHHHH! Yes, I'm ridiculously excited and equally terrified. I know I'm not going far, but it's still the first time living on my own. And that's fear-inspiring enough, am I right??

In other news, I've recently found that I can sing Elvis Presley pretty damn good when I'm a bit tipsy and that some people are capable of staying friends before AND after growing up. :) Hung out with my OLD friend, Amanda, on Saturday night after about 8 years since we've really spent considerable time together and we had SUCH a blast. We had some drinks at Outback, told each other stories for hours, then decided to buy some beers, go back to the house, and sing karaoke all night long. :) So we sang a CRAPLOAD (and that's the technical term) of songs, ate some burritos, sang more karaoke, ate more burritos, played our version of the Friends Trivia *drinking* game, ate more burritos, and sang more karaoke until the sun came up. hehehe.. Actually we only ate burritos twice that night, but she said she'd write that and she DIDN'T (SHAME on you Voltron!!) so I felt obligated to post it for her. ;) It's amazing that even though we've spent the last 6-8 years growing up with different people and different experiences, we may actually have even more in common now than we did as kids! It's good to know that some things never change. :)

And now I'm going to once again attempt to sleep because I think I'm going to spend the day at the beach with Ulises tomorrow! Yay!! I love our on-a-whim plans. hehehe.. I called him when I couldn't sleep about an hour ago and he was driving around--just driving--with a friend of his. And I told him I've been wanting to just go for a drive so he said, "Maybe that's what we can do tomorrow then--go take a drive down to the beach or something." Until recently, I would've had to plan and ponder and who knows what else to make sure I could go before I said yes, but instead I just told him, "Ya know what, yeah, maybe we will do that!" :) I'm happy--you really have no idea how big this is for me. The sheltered existence that has been my life for as long as I can remember is coming to an end and in it's place is a plethora of opportunity and potential that I fully intend on experiencing--it's unbelievably liberating! :)

Sending smiles and hugs to all who need it! G'night!

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 52%
Visual : 47%
Left : 44%
Right : 55%

Well, I'm sadly going to miss another weekend of faire. I honestly am not sure that I'll be going back because of my recent medical situation. For those who don't know, I have Crohn's disease, and it's been incredibly painful these past two weeks. I've changed my diet completely, as well as getting some meds after waiting nearly a week for at least one of my doctors to return my messages. Basically, I've just been taking it as easy as possible--go to work in the mornings, come home and rest for the remainder of the day and night. So I'm on the right track to get better, but I'm still considering the possibility that this is nature's way of telling me to slow down, and that maybe putting the extra strain on my body that faire requires isn't the best thing for me right now. So although I was having a great time acting and meeting so many new friends, there's a good chance I'm going to sit the remainder of this season out. I haven't officially decided yet, but I've been working on doing the right thing rather than the thing I want lately, and this is definately one of those situations. Anywhooo, just thought I'd fill my friends in since I haven't been in touch with many as of late. Miss you guys!

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your Birthday Month and day only.
2. List 3 Events that occurred that day.
3. List 2 important Birth days.
4. List 1 Death.
5. List a Holiday or Observance. (if any)
6. Tag 5 other bloggers.

3 Events:

1431 - Hundred Years' War: In Rouen, France, 19-year-old Joan of Arc burned at the stake by an English-dominated tribunal.
1883 - In New York City, a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge is going to collapse causes a stampede which crushes twelve people.
1911 - At the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the first Indianapolis 500 ends with Ray Harroun becoming the first winner of the 500-mile auto race in his Marmon Wasp.

2 Births:

1010 - Emperor Renzong of China (d. 1063)
1962 - Kevin Eastman American comic book creator

1 Death:
1593 - Christopher Marlowe, English playwright (b. 1564)

1 Holiday or Observance:
Peru – National Potato Day
(^^^I thought it'd be funnier than Memorial Day, which everyone knows already.) :)

*EDIT* I've decided that I was in a very men-are-all-pigs-and-we-should-slaughter-them-for-bacon mood last night. I still stand by the overall message of this post, but not to each stand-alone statement. Women should never settle, lower their standards, or let a man control their actions. But a girl's gotta have fun, too. ;) *EDIT FINISHED*

1. If a man tries to kiss you on the first date, he isn’t good enough for you.
2. If a man is “mysterious,” he’s hiding something. Even if what he’s hiding is how truly dull he really is.
3. If you spend more than 10 minutes deciding what to wear & how to do your hair for a date, you’re already giving him too much control. The guy who deserves you doesn’t care about those things.
4. If you laugh at his jokes when you don’t find them funny, 1 of 2 things will happen. He’ll either see how completely phony and vapid you are OR you’ll be very bored—very soon.
5. If you hear “I love you” when he says “God you’re beautiful,” you’re an idiot. He really means, “I can’t wait to see you naked.” Deal with it.
6. If he makes out with you the first time you kiss, he doesn’t respect you. He thinks you’re easy.
7. If he bites your neck or any other part of your body the first time you kiss, he’s already sure you’ll sleep with him—and he’s hoping for that night.
8. Telling a guy that you’re “hard to get” makes you easy to get. It’s a warning sign and a challenge intended to spur men on—and they know it. You’ve just told him that you want him to win and it’s only a matter of time.
9. If you bite your lip once, you’re telling him to kiss you.
10. If you bite your lip more than once, you’re begging.
11. If you consume any alcohol in his presence, don’t expect him to take you seriously—at all.
12. If he loves you after a year, he’s probably loyal. If he loves you after a month, he’s definitely lying.
13. If you have sex with a man in hopes of keeping him interested, he’s as good as gone already.
14. The guy who consoles you after above loser breaks your heart is a vulture—write him off now. ‘Cause, surprise—he wants the exact same thing but this time someone else has already done the work.
15. If you find yourself thinking any variation of the sentence, “If only he…” then you’re settling—find someone else.
16. If you love the butterflies you get from him, you’ll be over him in 6 months. Get a good cologne to spray on your pillow and you’ll feel the same way.
17. If he asks you what you’re thinking and you have nothing at the top of your mind, slow down and start thinking. You’re letting your hormones think for you and that’s as good as letting him think for you.
18. If you respect yourself as much as you’d like him to, only do the things you decided you’d do before you got involved with him.
19. If your friends tell you to just go for it and have fun or any variation of this, do yourself a favor and find someone else for advice. Just because they’re your friends doesn’t mean they have the same standards.
20. If you do or say anything, big or small, that you can’t tell your friends and your parents, you shouldn’t be doing or saying it. It indicates a number of things--including guilt, shame, regret, and doubt.

*grin* That is all. ;)

The movie Premonition absolutely SUCKS. lol... But nevertheless I just had a really good night after seeing it. And now Marie's going to go have equally really good dreams. *giggle*

My new userpic says it all, BABY! ;)

I've always wanted to dye my hair red, but at the last minute I chicken out and pick a safe shade of blonde. Well today I decided it's time I get the red out of my system!! So I did it. And I'm happy because I think it looks great. And PISH posh to those who don't like it. lol..

Sending smiles and happy thoughts to those who are down today!!

<3 Me

I had a really great weekend, and now I'm home--catching up on emails and such..Haven't posted on livejournal in forever, so I thought this would be a good time. ;)
It was so good to see everyonr again! I hadn't planned on doing faire more than a few weekends this season, but I was surprised with the option to auditon for a reveler. I was even more surprised my sudden decision to go through with it. I had nothing prepared, mind you, because I hadn't known until orientation that I was going to be auditioning. So I memorized a monologue in between orientation and my class and headed off to strut my stuff. But most of all, I was incredibly happy to really be a part of something again and felt welcomed with open arms. It's been too long since I've done any performing!! So needless to restate..I'm excited!
In this past month, I've finally started to feel like things are brightening for me for the first time in a LONG time. I've been meeting new people, making friends, and MOST importantly, been unafraid to be myself whether or not everyone likes it. ;) For awhile there I was so worried about impressing people (stupid boys in particular), that I stopped being myself, turned into a bumbling idiot, and even went through a short phase of "Why doesn't anyone like me??? What's wrong with me?" And ya know what I decided?? Nothing's wrong with me. I just stopped BEING me. From now on, I'm going to be my fun, sweet, confident self, stop beating around the bush for fear of someone's reaction--just go with it. And THAT makes me happy. *smile*